The High Priestess speaks

I’ve always wanted to be a writer. But I’ve wanted a stable income
even more, so I kept it as a hobby. Perhaps I didn’t believe I was
good enough to really make it as a writer. Still, there was a steady
image in the back of my mind since my teens that I would one day be a
writer, when my kids were grown and less dependent on me.

While pursuing my doctorate, I was under the most stress ever in my
life. Between work, school and family, I barely had time to breathe
(no wonder my asthma got worse!). I spent a lot of time at my local
library in those days. It was a temple of sorts to me. The building
itself is beautiful—like a stately mansion in an old English novel. I
love the vaulted ceilings, beautiful wood paneling and moldings.

Every once in a while I’d take a break from my studies and devour
Writer’s Digest and The Writer magazines. Though I had no time for it,
I would find myself in the “how to write” stacks. Kundalini Yoga
helped me deal with the stress, but Plotting and working on my still
unfinished novel kept my spirit alive in those days. One of the books
I happened to get off the library shelves was Colleen Rae’s Movies in
the Mind, a “how to” book for writing short stories. I must have
borrowed that small volume several times before I finally bought my
own (it’s unfortunately out of print). It was supposed to be the first
in a series of writing books by the author.

That was an exceptionally busy and stressful time in my life. I had
plans and seeds were planted that would one to be ready for action. I
never finished the novel but I have it all researched and plotted out
and have some lovely excerpts.

We’re now coming toward the end of the history and this blog will soon
move into the active present. A couple of years ago I decided to work
on finishing the unfinished novel. Again I went to the library to
scour the “how to” books for inspiration. I came across Colleen Rae’s
book again and it occurred to me that more than enough time has passed
since it was published (2000) and her second one should be out by now.
I checked Amazon. Nada. For some reason it bothered me and I decided
to look her up. She must have been doing *something* with her time if
she wasn’t publishing books for would-be authors.

I finally found her at http://www.joyflow.com Wouldn’t it figure that
what Colleen Rae has been up to was focusing on using her psychic
abilities to train other psychics. I took it as a sign from the
universe that it was time for me to work more actively on my psychic
and spiritual development.

Still the Magician

While in my 20s, I continued to learn all I could. I saw several psychics (nothing amazing), and did several interesting past-life regressions, but still had asthma and claustrophobia. Several sources had mentioned the Silva Method as a good place to start for psychic development. And it “just so happened” that I found a course nearby.

It was a great experience. At the end of the Basic Course we did medical intuitive work. We sat in pairs and one person thought of someone they knew with a health issue and the other would use the Silva technique to see what it was. I amazed myself and got two out of three. I was thrilled to have some validation from the universe that I could indeed develop my psychic powers, even if the going was slower than I would have liked.

I continued to read and practice but made little practical progress. The one thing I never did quite get the hang of was meditation. I’ve never been able to shut my mind off for more than two minutes max. Though sometimes I was frustrated at my lack of psychic progress and persistent asthma, I kept reading and believing and knew that one day psychic development would come.

I was comfortable with my new age spirituality, but I knew that I hadn’t yet regained my faith. A quote that frequently went through my mind was “There, but for the grace of God, go I” Another theme that haunted me was from Greek mythology. The gods would always strike down arrogant humans who gloated over their good fortune. Not that I was ever a gloater, but I was afraid of too much good fortune. Although intellectually I believed I had a path and that all things happen for a reason, deep down inside I was terrified of the possibility of random events.

Once I married and had children, I had little time to pursue my psychic development. I still believed, but had no time to devote to it. Career and financial concerns made it even less likely that I would meditate. I dabbled: here a Reiki course and there a past life regression workshop. When life got really stressful, the universe sent me Kundalini yoga. I “stumbled” onto Dharma Singh Khalsa’s book Meditation as Medicine. Then I found Gururattan Kaur Khalsa’s web site with her free email-based introduction to Kundalini yoga. Her books, as well as music CDs I bought from her web site, helped me through some very difficult times.

For the most part, that was how my 30s played out: High on interest, low on practice and lower on results. Things were soon to get interesting though…

Following the Magician

So while I was still an undergrad, the New Age movement inspired me to pursue my own psychic development. I had always been fascinated by psychic phenomenon though without much reason to believe in any innate ability. I bought my first deck of tarot cards and read everything I could get my hands on. I was convinced I was on the right path and was excited to start seeing results. Time went on. Although interest and study remained high, results remained elusive. But I knew, I just KNEW I was on the right path.

I remember my first visit to a psychic. It was at a psychic fair in Virginia around 1989. I could choose anyone from a large room of psychics. I picked one at random. She was kind and friendly, I liked her right away. Her name, I think, was Phyllis Schulte, or something like that (I’ve googled her and unfortunately can’t find any reference to her). She explained that she was new to working as a psychic. She gave me a reading that seemed highly unlikely. She said she saw me on a plane going north. I had no plane travel in my plans and had no money for it either. I was disappointed by the reading, but enjoyed chatting with her just the same.

I asked her how she developed her abilities and she told me about the Silva course that started her on her way. We spoke some more and she said she did past life regressions too. I don’t know why, but I scheduled a regression with her at her studio. We spoke some more and she told me about her partner who she thought was an extremely talented psychic. I don’t remember his name.

That week I went to her studio for my first past-life regression. I had no idea what to expect (I don’t think Brian Weiss had published Many Minds Many Masters yet). I lay down on an easy chair and followed her guidance into deep relaxation. I remember it was really hard to get any images at all and I panicked thinking it wouldn’t work for me. But soon images started to form out of the blackness and sure enough a scene appeared before my closed eyes.

I knew bits and pieces—I was a man, a doctor. I was walking home on a dark, misty night. Yellow torch lights shone feebly on the cobblestone streets of what may have been London or some other city. I was feeling despondent. I had been unable to save the life of a sick child. I had left the grieving family, taking some pain and sorrow away with me in my heart. I didn’t want to go to my own home, but go I must. I didn’t feel like talking to my wife or playing with my kids. I believe that I often was so caught up in my work that I neglected my own family.

I did two more regressions and the images came faster and more easily. In one scene, I was riding a horse in perhaps 16th century Spain. I recognized my brother in the scene as one of my closest friends today. I don’t remember the third, though I’m sure I recorded or took notes somewhere…I think I was in a boat with others and we eventually drowned. As I child I’d had several recurring dreams about drowning. All in all it was an exciting experience, but I wasn’t sure what to do with the regressions. My asthma was still around. Claustrophobia too.

Just before I left her studio, Phyllis’s partner came in. She asked him to do a quick, impromptu reading for me. He held my hand and for about 5 minutes he talked non-stop and floored me. He said things he couldn’t have known like “keep swimming, it will help your knee”. My knee had been bothering me and I took up swimming semi regularly for the first time a few weeks before. He said my bad luck with men was the result of karma. I shouldn’t worry though because it was working itself out. I so regretted not taping him because he said so much which amazed me but I only remember those two things.

The next night my brother called me to say they were sending me a plane ticket so I could come home for Thanksgiving. Home was north. Nice. Wherever you are Phyllis, I wish you love and light.

The Fool's Journey

I’ve created this blog to help me reflect on my spiritual journey for this incarnation. I am the fool forging my way along the path toward oneness with the universe. I’ve done this route before I’m sure, many times. But in cyclical, or is it spiral fashion, here I go again, seeking the path of my soul through this incarnation. Why am I publishing it for the world to see if it chooses? I don’t really know. But I feel compelled to and I’ve learned to listen to my intuition. If this blog is meant to have readers, they will come.

Long ago I realized that one of my life lessons to learn this time around was to regain my faith. What I mean by that is something that will take some time to explain, so please bear with me.

I’ve been a spiritual person all my life. When I was young I loved the spirituality I learned from my parents. I enjoyed the holidays and the haunting melodies of the prayers. God was my personal friend, then. He (always a “he”) kept thieves away and made sure there were no monsters hiding under my bed. Spirituality was pretty simple for a while. Then I got to 6th grade.

I have a lousy memory and don’t remember that much from my uneventful childhood. But I remember the 6th grade teacher who pulled the floor out from under me by explaining that the Bible was not written by God after all. It was written by men from ancient times. And then he proved it. We studied the original text and he pointed out the inconsistencies that suggest that different people wrote different versions. Not only was the Bible written by men, but that meant that it was historically and culturally dependent. This was something I’d continue to learn about. My friendship with God was somewhat damaged by this realization. Around that time I developed asthma.

Then in high school I met a friend who would change how I saw the world forever. She was a devout atheist and a feminist. And she was brilliant. We had lengthy discussions about the existence of God, and though I tried my best, her reasoning was sound and I had to admit that she had an excellent point. That’s when I became an Agnostic. My asthma became more difficult to control during high school.

In college I worshipped the God of radical feminism and alternative music. My asthma continue to be a problem and I developed claustrophobia.

I don’t know when it was that I finally made the connection between my loss of faith in a benevolent divine order and the development of asthma and claustrophobia, but it did eventually strike me as more than coincidental. While still in college, I discovered New Age spirituality and it spoke to me, straight to my soul. I determined to work on my spiritual development and heal myself of asthma and claustrophobia. That was a long time ago. A lot of water has since passed under the bridge. I’m still working on it. My path has led me here.