Sunday, April 25, 2010

The Fool's Journey

I’ve created this blog to help me reflect on my spiritual journey for this incarnation. I am the fool forging my way along the path toward oneness with the universe. I’ve done this route before I’m sure, many times. But in cyclical, or is it spiral fashion, here I go again, seeking the path of my soul through this incarnation. Why am I publishing it for the world to see if it chooses? I don’t really know. But I feel compelled to and I’ve learned to listen to my intuition. If this blog is meant to have readers, they will come.

Long ago I realized that one of my life lessons to learn this time around was to regain my faith. What I mean by that is something that will take some time to explain, so please bear with me.

I’ve been a spiritual person all my life. When I was young I loved the spirituality I learned from my parents. I enjoyed the holidays and the haunting melodies of the prayers. God was my personal friend, then. He (always a “he”) kept thieves away and made sure there were no monsters hiding under my bed. Spirituality was pretty simple for a while. Then I got to 6th grade.

I have a lousy memory and don’t remember that much from my uneventful childhood. But I remember the 6th grade teacher who pulled the floor out from under me by explaining that the Bible was not written by God after all. It was written by men from ancient times. And then he proved it. We studied the original text and he pointed out the inconsistencies that suggest that different people wrote different versions. Not only was the Bible written by men, but that meant that it was historically and culturally dependent. This was something I’d continue to learn about. My friendship with God was somewhat damaged by this realization. Around that time I developed asthma.

Then in high school I met a friend who would change how I saw the world forever. She was a devout atheist and a feminist. And she was brilliant. We had lengthy discussions about the existence of God, and though I tried my best, her reasoning was sound and I had to admit that she had an excellent point. That’s when I became an Agnostic. My asthma became more difficult to control during high school.

In college I worshipped the God of radical feminism and alternative music. My asthma continue to be a problem and I developed claustrophobia.

I don’t know when it was that I finally made the connection between my loss of faith in a benevolent divine order and the development of asthma and claustrophobia, but it did eventually strike me as more than coincidental. While still in college, I discovered New Age spirituality and it spoke to me, straight to my soul. I determined to work on my spiritual development and heal myself of asthma and claustrophobia. That was a long time ago. A lot of water has since passed under the bridge. I’m still working on it. My path has led me here.

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